By AccraEventsGH
Celebrate this Month with this list of raw and satirical truths about being a Ghanaian. TRIGGER WARNING: This content may offend some readers.
There are over 42 indigenous languages and 1 official language in Ghana. Over 80 percent of the population is conversant in at least one of the 6 most widely spoken languages or their dialects. In spite of this perceived barrier to communication, there are some things all Ghanaians understand even if they don't agree. We know many of these are present in other cultures since we share common Ancestors. Here are 10 things all Ghanaians will understand, and all aspiring Ghanaians can use as their guide to being Ghanaian.
1. MANNERS HAVE 'LEFT' THE CHAT
Did you... did you just insult my ancestors and imply that I am not worthy? Did you just dishonour my entire lineage within the first few seconds of meeting me? Yes you did because you just greeted or exchanged an item using your left hand! In Ghana, it's considered disrespectful to greet or give people items using your left hand. This is because your left hand is assumed to be the hand for doing... dirty jobs (💩). If you are left-handed, you might want to conceal that fun fact. Left-handed children are punished and socialized into using their right hand. (I should know. I was born left handed and am now ambidextrous). If for some reason beyond your control, you absolutely must use your left hand, precede with the generic apology "Sorry for left", before using your left hand.
2. B.Y.O.P: BRING YOUR OWN PRICE
Yesterday's price no be today price; and today's price also no be today's price! If this paradox doesn’t make sense to you, you may not be as Ghanaian as you think. In Ghana we enjoy 24/7 sales on all items that don’t have printed price tags. This is because if an item doesn't have a price tag, the quoted/street price is open to debate. The price you settle on depends solely on your ability to haggle and bluff. Prepare to reverse-auction with your best poker face and let's see how persuasive you really are.
3. G. M. T. = GHANA MAN TIME
Ghanaians don't subscribe to the standard units of time. Our minutes are hours, our hours are days, our days are weeks etc. We might as well follow the sun. Lateness is so ingrained in our mindsets and culture that it's almost culturally insensitive to be upset at a Ghanaian for showing up late. The lackadaisical attitude that follows a late Ghanaian is not intended to be indifference; it's just genuine confusion about your expectation that they be punctual. Ghanaians are very laid back so things seldom get done when expected - but things will get done eventually.
PRO TIP: To understand the true value of a:
Ghanaian minute: order a 'fast' food delivery service
Ghanaian hour: Organize an event and give a hard start time
Ghanaian day: Ask for feedback or a follow up on a project
Ghanaian week: Give a contractor a deadline for next week
Ghanaian month: Wait to bury a friend or relative of the Christian faith
Ghanaian year: Finish university and wait to start a job
4: GOOGLE MAPS WHO?
GPS tracking and Digital Maps are very recent technological developments however, 'Ghana Maps' has existed since the first Bantu migrants inhabited this land. 'Ghana Maps' is a chain of descriptive landmarks; both permanent and movable, that locals use to navigate their way around respective cities and towns. A landmark example is "There is a plantain seller 2 junctions after the filling station. Take the left turn opposite the plantain seller, then take the third right. From there, ask anyone in the area for the metal bridge, I live by the metal bridge." This navigation method obviously has its flaws but it served us well for decades. For higher accuracy in this modern era, use a hybrid of 'Ghana Maps' and Google Maps because some couriers are still not conversant with digital maps.
5: DRIVING IS NOT ABOUT RULES AND SIGNS
We drive like blind mice on drugs because driving is not about knowledge or skill; it's about preemptively avoiding stupidity from all angles. The roads are like Swiss cheese; Trotro's start and stop with no indication; Okada's ride confidently in the wrong direction and habitually speed through red lights; Pedestrians play Hop Scotch (Tu Ma Tu) on the highway; Couriers deliver everything from cars to livestock; Truckers can't differentiate between fast and slow lanes; The handicapped skate below your line of vision; Hawkers practice for Olympic baton changing in moving traffic; Motorcades and Escorts use the wrong lanes; Students text while driving; Beggars wipe windshields without consent; Street lights double as disco lights; Distracted carshare drivers ignore map directions to ask passengers where they are going; Traffic lights are on strike; 4x4s shine blinding high beams at on-coming traffic; everyone appears to work and live in the same direction... and this isn't even half of it! It's pure unadulterated chaos. You have no choice but to join the insanity.
6: I LIKE YOUR MOTHER
The symbol that is now globally recognized as a 'like' (thanks to social media), means something completely contradictory in local Ghanaian contexts. The thumbs up symbol is still widely understood as something positive, but with a very subtle change to how you lift your thumb and put it down, that Thumbs Up turns to "Ony3 Sormli" really quickly. "Ony3 Sormli" in the local Ga language is a very offensive insult to ones mother. Though it originated from the Ga-Adangbe tribe, the rest of the nation has picked the simple yet offensive phrase and gesture. Another variation to the thumbs up is when you mimic a handshake but spread all 5 fingers as far apart from each other as possible. Be careful how you express your appreciation and shake hands.
7: WE DON'T DISCRIMINATE (IN CERTAIN AREAS)
Paying your bills or taxes on time does not automatically guarantee you consistent service; the responsible and irresponsible suffer the same fate .However, living by a politician or ex-military bigwig makes a huge difference to the frequency of your access to running water, electricity, tarred roads, working streetlights and other necessities. Live somewhere relevant, know people in high places, or suffer the consequences.
PRO TIP: Knowing the right people also helps with access to quality services and good opportunities (like everywhere in the world)
8: SOMETHING SMALL FOR THE BOYS AND GIRLS
If you've lived in Ghana at any point, you have certainly heard or seen some variation of the phrase "Something small for the boys." This line is a universal, not-so-subtle way of asking for financial incentives, and is used at every level of society from government to police to security guards. Bribery and corruption are such harsh terminologies so I'd say 'Tipping & Donating' are rampant in Ghana; so, if you’re in trouble, fear not, a 'gift' goes a long way.
9: WE ARE RELIGIOUS CONSERVATIVES
Religion is beneficial for the morals it instills, the direction it gives, the hope it inspires, the comfort it brings and the purpose it motivates in those who understand it as a guide. However, it is common to hear people respond to real life circumstances or logic with out-of-context religious excerpts. This mindset reflects in some people's work ethic and beliefs. Religious beliefs are also sometimes imposed on people regardless of their religious stance or background, so "Leave it to God" and don't take this personal. Despite being religious, the average Ghanaian may not be a good source of comfort in your most trying times. Common phrases that are used very often and are accepted as appropriate responses to even the most dire circumstances include "Ee go be", "God dey", "Hmm" and "3y3 as3m oo." These seemingly dismissive utterances are somehow expected to bring solace to a friend in a very egregious situation. (We're now learning to prioritize mental health, allow us)
10: THE ORIGINAL 10 COMMANDMENTS
ALWAYS greet when you arrive at a venue and meet people. If you have already settled in and elders show up, the burden of greeting still rests on you, you mannerless child.
Saying "Please" & "Thank You" are a MUST - especially if you are giving unwarranted attitude or providing terrible service. (Also, if primary job is not service related, do your best to give the most impeccable service possible).
Verify if you can bring those filthy soles into the humble abodes of others, and wait to be offered a seat, you uncultured swine.
Do not reject hospitable gestures from elders i.e "No" doesn't exist. Not even if you are offered food you're allergic to.
NEVER talk back, question or correct adults. The elders are ALWAYS right. The moon is actually purple. Know this and know peace.
ALWAYS invite people to share your food with you and just hope they respectfully decline.
DO NOT under any circumstance address adults by their government name. It doesn't matter if you work at the Passport Office, Gladys. It's Aunty/Uncle or Sir/Madam to you.
DON'T YOU DARE open a drink if the recipient is not present.
ALWAYS help others to push their broken down car and expect nothing in return. Just push the car and keep moving. It's the Ghanaian thing to do.
ALWAYS answer questions with questions. Confuse your enemies - don't let them know your next move.
BONUS: BLAME THE POLITICIANS
Warning ⛔️: this one gets a bit too real.
Late to a meeting? Blame the politicians. Failed an exam? Blame the politicians. Involved in an accident? Blame the politicians. Of course it's normal to point out the gaping holes left in our economy by politicians. They are public servants whose primary purpose is to serve the citizens. While things like the atrocious quality of our public services and transport systems, our import - export deficit, our heavy indebtedness, dwindling interest from foreign investors due to unreasonable demands etc. can be attributed to politicians, the government is not to blame for EVERYTHING. But yes, if you've run out of plausible reasons and causes, we accept politics as a valid excuse.
There are several more Ghanaian-isms that did not make it to this list. How many of these resonated with you and which Ghanaian expectations do you think belong on this list? Check back for new lists and articles every other week, and check our social media and website for daily event updates. Till then, Life is for the Living, so live it up!
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